just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
