So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
