how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
