Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
