Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
