I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
