At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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