i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
