Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
