made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
