You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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