True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
