Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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