You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
