Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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