do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
