So gin and wine won't be happening again
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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