I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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