how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
