you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
