were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
