I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
