butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
