he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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