My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
