YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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