you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
