problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
