i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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