Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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