so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
