I accidentally had phone sex last night
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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