My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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