The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
