you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
