but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
