his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
