Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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