hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
