DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
