Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
