"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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