Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
