did you get engaged???
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
that's an acceptable place to lick
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
