I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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