I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
