I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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