Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
