There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
