Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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