i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
