Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She announced her abortion via fbk
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
