A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
