Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
