Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
