I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
