had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
