I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm eating all of the evidence.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
