Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
