I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
is it fun? or sober?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
