Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize