I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
