Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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