I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
