Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
