Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
