So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
