ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
