Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
