i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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