I accidentally had phone sex last night
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
