i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
