For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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