wrigley field is MILF paradise
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
