hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
